Make This Taco Bell Pie and Eat It by Yourself

Earlier this week I received a package from Taco Bell. Within this package, chaos reigned. There were Taco Bell-branded mini pumpkins, a Taco Bell Jenga-style game, a Taco Bell Friendsgiving wreath, a very flattering hot sauce packet track suit, and a bunch of plates and glasses (all Taco Bell-themed). It was a complete party box, including everything one might need to throw a dope-ass Friendsgiving. Having human friends over is illegal this year, however, but that’s okay—you can draw faces on the mini pumpkins. They are your friends now.

My friend is here and he’s laughing. Credit: Claire Lower

Among the party supplies sat a few recipes, including one for “Crunchy Taco Shepherd’s Pie,” which—unless Taco Bell has started offering lamb tacos—should actually be called “Crunchy Taco Cottage Pie,” or maybe “Drive-Thru Pie.” I am simply calling it “Taco Pie,” and I am doing so—and will continue to do so—in this voice. (I did not, however, add all the food coloring, because it is not a holiday yet.)

Isn’t she lovely? Credit: Claire Lower

What exactly is in this Taco Pie? Tacos. Tacos and sautéed vegetables. You cook some vegetables, you stuff the vegetables into some Taco Bell crunchy tacos, and you bury them in potatoes (“Mashed Sauce Packet & Cheddar Potatoes,” to be precise). Is it slightly gauche of Taco Bell to put out such a potato-forward recipe right after taking all potatoes off of their menu? Yes. Yes, it is. But oh well. Once I read the recipe, I knew I had to make it, just as I had to make the (surprisingly good) Rolled Chicken Taco Bisque of 2019. If you’d like to follow along with me, you can find the recipe here.

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First, you’ll have to sauté some vegetables. Only the onion is compulsory, but Taco Bell gives you the option of adding a carrot, a red bell pepper, and a cup of corn kernels. I added every single vegetable, and ended up with far too many vegetables. Once your vegetables are “soft and lightly browned,” remove them from the heat, let them cool, and stuff them into two pre-made crunchy tacos that you purchased from Taco Bell. At this point, you’ll realize that there is lettuce in there, and that lettuce is going to get hot once you bury it in mashed potatoes, but what’s done is done.

This looks bad! Credit: Claire Lower

Next, boil four Russets until they are mashable, then mash them until they are “very smooth.” I used a potato ricer, because that is the easiest way to get potatoes “very smooth.” Next, melt half a stick of butter in a cup of milk, then pour that into the potatoes. It will seem like too much liquid, but don’t freak out. We are baking Taco Bell tacos into mashed potatoes; it’s really not worth stressing over.

Taco Bell Potatoes Are Returning But You Can Make Your Own Read More

Next, add a cup of shredded cheddar and four (4) packets of Taco Bell hot sauce. If you have palate similar to mine, you might want to add even more of both. I ended up adding another handful of cheese and an extra packet of sauce, because the potatoes were bland without them.

Fine?? I guess??? Credit: Claire Lower

Once that’s done, pour half of the hot sauce packet potatoes into a 9-inch baking dish (Taco Bell sent the white one below for this very purpose), set the veggie-stuffed tacos on top of the potato layer, and bury the tacos with the rest of the potatoes, just as you would your shame.

Bake for about 40 minutes at 350℉, until the top is golden brown.

Inside there be secrets (like hot shredded lettuce). Credit: Claire Lower

Let it cool for at least 10 minutes, then serve yourself a slice.

Credit: Claire Lower

What does this Taco Pie taste like? Taco Bell. It tastes like Taco Bell. The taco and potato combination is pretty good, but we already knew it would be, didn’t we? We already know that Taco Bell tastes great with potatoes, because Taco Bell used to serve potatoes, and they were good.

Taco Bell Potatoes Are Returning But You Can Make Your Own Read More

Anyway. The crunchy part of the “Crunchy Taco” obviously softened quite a bit, giving the filling a vague tamale vibe, though at least the hot lettuce ended turned out not to be that noticeable. The carrots were distracting, but all of the other vegetables worked just fine. I ate my slice with sour cream and Fire sauce, and I ate it very quickly.

Would I serve it to other people? Not proudly. Though my boyfriend ate some—straight from the fridge—and declared it “really, really good,” so I might make it for him sometime. This taco pie does not taste bad—it tastes like Taco Bell. It tastes good. It slaps, actually, especially if you serve it with sour cream and hot sauce. It’s the kind of thing one should eat alone, but then, these are lonely times. Maybe that’s why Taco Bell sent this recipe to me—to us. In the words of Stephan Jenkins, I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve.... never been so alive.

Claire is Lifehacker's Senior Food Editor. She has a B.S. in chemistry, a decade of food journalism experience, and a deep love for mayonnaise and MSG.